Bereavement Support volunteer Bill is a natural listener

Former police officer, of over 32 years, Bill Bethell, has been a bereavement support volunteer for the hospice for some six years now.

Within five minutes of speaking with him you know he is exactly the right person for the role.

Of course, as Bill will tell you about the people he helps at the hospice, it takes more than five minutes to get to know someone, so we did take up a little bit longer exploring the importance of Bill’s work and what led him to it.

He’s from Toxteth, Liverpool 8, originally, the school of hard knocks? The area’s reputation is a little overplayed but a grounding where people are both salt of the earth and also, can look after themselves, will prepare anyone for a life of human understanding.

His time as a police officer, with an ethos to serve and to help keep people safe, including in our Wirral community for many years, reinforced his ability to handle delicate situations.

When the time came for Bill to hang up his bobby’s boots he wasn’t going to let the grass grow under his feet. He soon found himself working at Wirral Age UK helping to support older bereaved people.

Bill had found his second calling.

With all the required training and development, a part-time job, 2.5 days, soon became 4 days and Bill became an integral part of a small but committed team of facilitators helping older people.

Bill’s 5 year hospice service award

Assisting people to navigate the complexity of their household bills, assisting with probate, with mobility issues, and the like, was the practical help, while a rounded listening service, where people could talk through strategies for dealing with their own illness or the loss of a loved one, provided the appropriate emotional support.

After 10 years’ service, Bill was looking to commute his hours and retired from full time work.

At the same time, having worked alongside former hospice support coordinator, Stella, Bill agreed to join the hospice as a volunteer. We’re so glad he did.

Nowadays Bill supports clients on a one-to-one basis and may have a caseload of four people at any one time.

He told us,

“It can take the loved one, of a hospice patient who has died, some while before they access our bereavement support service.

Even with loving, supportive families, often going through their own grief, it’s not easy for people to express their personal feelings of loss and how they see their future.    

We always start with a gentle introduction session. Getting to know you.

Most people know they are not coping as well as they’d wish and do want to look forward positively. Often, going backwards first helps. People can tell me about their lives together and all the things they achieved and what they hoped for each other.

There’s a well-documented approach to grief which helps us to conceptualise what people may be experiencing. Known as Tonkin’s model of grief it describes the process by which people grow around their grief. That is, at times the grief will be as intense as it ever was, but life around that will grow where pastimes and responsibilities become a focus for people moving forward.

Sometimes there are feelings of guilt about moving on. ‘Am I allowed to laugh again. I sometimes feel guilty when I do.’

Of course, people are allowed to live their lives after the loss of a loved one. One of the most common wishes of hospice patients is that their loved ones should be happy in the future.

Sometimes my clients will prefer the one-to-one sessions, or they may also decide they can get added help from joining the hospice bereavement support group as well or the hospice bereavement walkers.

The most rewarding part of the role is when someone you have helped to see their future path is ready to move on.”

In his home life Bill is married to Isabel, ‘Iz’ he fondly calls her, whom he met in the police service. Two grown up sons, John and David, followed their parents into public service in the Army and the police respectively.

John has their grandchildren, Jasper, Rory and Clara, who live down south but who they see as regularly as possible.

Once a keen runner, ‘my knees are shot now’, Bill keeps fit by riding a bike and taking his kayak out on various canals and the River Dee.

He finishes with his take on the hospice,

“There is always a great deal of compassion, dignity and respect at the right time, but I find the hospice, some will find it a bit surprising maybe, an upbeat place.

People living their lives as well as possible, lots of uplifting stories of interesting lives. Lots of cake and lots of fun. It’s like a family.”

Quite Bill, and you’re an important part of it.

Thank you for everything you have done, and continue to do, for the hospice and the many people you have helped.

If you’d like to volunteer at the hospice or in your community at one of our charity shops follow the links at www.wirralhospice.org/volunteering or email volunteering@wirralhospice.org or call 0151 334 2778 and ask for volunteer services